lionsleeps | IC Inbox: MWM

Mm. Thank you.

[nosing into the hollow of his throat.]

[quietly hums low in his throat, more of a vibration than a sound]

...Did you speak to him after?

I did. You?

Yes.

[And the instant he says so Dan Heng will be able to feel his breath hitch and his body tense, as he tries to hold the emotion in check.]

It was surprisingly productive.

[a soft kiss to his throat.]

Tell me about it?

Mn.

[That feels nice. He certainly appreciate the comfort, and returns it by gently massaging his fingers on the back of Dan Heng's neck.]

We can talk, as long as he can't see me. For a little while, anyway. When he stays calm, he is... so familiar...

...I was angry. I hurt him. He liked that.

[breathes out, warm against his skin, trying to relax under those nice fingers.]

He liked it much less when I said your name. But he held himself back. Let me run.

I told him before I wouldn't give him any attention if he hurt you. And I told him today that if he proves he'll tell me when it gets to be too much, and lets me leave safely in the end, I'll keep coming to see him.

[He sighs, staring up at the ceiling and willing himself to keep it together.]

I'm such a fool. He's dangerous, and he's done such terrible things, and yet I cannot bear the thought of never speaking to him again.

...If you're looking for condemnation, you won't find it with me.

[tail curling a little tighter around his knee.]

I... don't want to just never speak with him again, either. And I don't have the excuses you do.

Then we are both fools.

[And Jing Yuan doesn't really know how to describe how he feels about it. It's all so complicated.]

...I just cannot understand him. He talks of all the ways he's tormented his version of me, and then he turns around and says things kinder than my Dan Feng ever would have. Then, when it hurt too much for me to address, he offered to hold my hand. Said that his "me" does that for him, after killing him. It's all so...

How can it be that the words and gestures I longed for all these centuries can only be offered to me by a monster? And how am I to resist becoming more and more entangled with him like this?

...

I am not Dan Feng. So I cannot give you what you wanted and needed from the Dan Feng you knew. He is the only one who can offer them.

As I said, you won't find condemnation with me. I was great at fighting and fleeing from Blade, right up until I found out who he used to be.

Mm. But... In the end, even if I gave into him entirely, he would not be my Dan Feng. That man--

[aaand there's the break in his voice that was very clearly on its way]

That man is drowned in the ancient sea. He can never hear anything I wanted to say, or say anything I wanted to hear.

[holds him tighter. silent. there's nothing the man with his face, the man who rose from that drowning, can say to alleviate that pain.]

[Dan Heng's horns are in the way, so he can't fully bury his face in his hair from this angle. It's very sad, but he settles for just huddling in that embrace and trying to rein himself in.]

...I'm sorry. You don't deserve to hear me go on about him.

No, it's... I only wish I could help, somehow.

[a soft, apologetic little kiss to tender skin again.]

And I wish I could let it go already.

[After all, he accepted that Dan Feng won't return. It feels unfair that this should hurt so badly, when he already gave up.]

Instead... I fear that madman is going to be the end of me.

[...reaching for his uninjured hand, again, to take it.]

Don't leave me so soon.

[this is Dan Heng's hand now]

I'm trying, as I always do. I just... He makes me want to scream until I've lost my voice entirely.

...Is there any way I can help?

[He considers for a moment, taking slow breaths. Then, quietly, in a voice choked with tears he's trying to hold back:]

Make me forget him for awhile?

[a tiny nod, more felt than seen, then leans back enough to loom over him.]

Gladly.

Thank you.

[He looks up at Dan Heng with red-rimmed eyes and a vulnerable, heartsore little smile, brushing his knuckles gently over his cheekbone. Then he leans up after him and goes in for a desperate kiss.]

[dan heng looks back at him, with his shorter hair but eyes and horns still luminescent, tail still wrapped snugly up in jing yuan's legs. undeniably the inheritor of so much of the man jing yuan had loved, but also undeniably himself.

and he gives him what he wants, kissing him sweetly in defiance of that desperation for one moment, two, then meeting him where he's at with a little growl deep in his throat. there's a wellspring of his own unsettled emotion to funnel into this. he can lean on his own selfish desire to make jing yuan look at only him, especially when that's what jing yuan is asking for.]

[Normally the sweetness would be returned, but right now Jing Yuan is upset. He needs that bit of possessiveness to remind him he belongs right here, where he is, and not trapped in his own past or the allure of a nostalgic delusion.

That little growl makes him shiver, and when he throws his arm around Dan Heng's neck he pulls him in close and tight and warm.]

[he lets his weight fully rest on jing yuan, sturdy and real and present in this moment, focused entirely on the man below him. he's here and wanted.

his hands stroke covetously down jing yuan's sides, lingering, as if memorizing the shape of him, as he kisses him deep and demanding.]

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