[His poor husband and his faulty memory and bad luck with status effects... He's not sure what it is this time, as it seems different from his previous regressions, but it's his job to ground Dan Feng in reality and he's taking it seriously.
He arrives as quickly as can be managed. When he walks into the library he immediately goes looking for Dan Feng with visible worry.]
[Dan Feng is somewhere near the back of the library, sitting at a table and hidden behind several tall stacks of books. Half of said books are open, pages torn out into confetti, others turned into cranes.
He does look up at the call of his name, but when their eyes meet, there is zero spark of recognition, like Jing Yuan really is just a stranger.]
[It is WEIRD and UPSETTING to be looked at that way -- it's strange, but he instantly finds himself missing the intense gaze of obsession. Ah, what a lovely problem. He's got no memory but all the childish behaviour.
Jing Yuan approaches, picks up a stack of intact books, and moves them to the next table over.]
[Petulantly; moving the stack of books reveals a jigsaw puzzle that's all put together, save for one piece: it has a cartoon lion on it. It's a good likeness, mole and all, even if it seems to have been chewed from the amount of fang marks it bears.]
I've been told, but - I do not remember. I have reacquired memories from others, but there is still a great swathe of them missing. This is the last piece and- who are you really, to me? Why is so much of myself tied to you? [Frown.] This is not healthy.
[As Dan Feng talks, Jing Yuan rescues the remaining salvageable books. Then he examines the puzzle piece, wondering if he should find it cute that Dan Feng gnaws on Jing Yuan themed objects even while not remembering him.
He goes quite still though, at that last comment.]
...I am many things to you, I think. We hail from parallel worlds. In both, we were part of a close group of friends when I was still a boy. But the Dan Feng in my world is long dead, replaced by his successor. The Jing Yuan is yours is the object of your obsession, fueled by an Aeon's madness. You have spent centuries pursuing him, pulling him into a violent codependency...
[He glances at Dan Feng's face, and away again.]
But we are different. I cannot lie and call it "healthy", but we move forward together a little every day. I think it makes us both happier to be together, regardless of anyone else's standards.
[Dan Feng watches him talk with an impassive, calculating look, before leaning forward to rest an elbow on the table, so he can lean his head on his hand.]
Both of us, happy? I find that I have- that I am not a good person, piecing together what I know. I tried to kidnap multiple people who I realized I held dear, and some of them have told me that what I feel for you is magnitudes more. And so I thought, what would become of me, if I remember, how terrible and unsightly, how...
[For a moment Jing Yuan stares silently at a pile of book confetti, looking as if he's mentally left the room entirely. But then he takes a slow breath, and answers.]
If you think you'd truly be happier that way, I will not force you to remember.
However...
[He smiles in a way that strongly suggests a threat. How the fuck dare you try to solve your problems by dumping me AGAIN???]
You may not remember, but you asked me to be your touchstone and ground you in reality. And reality is that you are a horrid creature, but you cannot atone for your sins by leaving your victims alone with their pain. How convenient it would be for you, to abandon the karmic punishment you have earned. If you choose to escape by forgetting, I will punish you for their sakes and for my own.
[The smile is weirdly. Incredibly. Incandescently attractive. Dan Feng can recognize the intent behind it and that's what makes it all the better; the urge to lean upwards and kiss it off the man's face is very strong. But he has to remains strong, because somehow it would be better if he was angrier, so maybe Jing Yuan would strike him, and...
This conflict plays across Dan Feng's face so visibly it's great entertainment.]
[Those FACES. Jing Yuan can practically hear Dan Feng's thoughts. It's both hilarious and infuriating.]
Not the way you did, nor the way you want.
[He sets a hand on the table next to Dan Feng, and leans into his space to loom over him.]
I know you, Dan Feng. A violent pursuit would only bring you pleasure, and my affection must be earned. If I am to punish you, should I not do so in ways you cannot bear? I could leave you trapped alone in dark places. I could ignore every word from your mouth. I could love someone else right in front of you, knowing that even if you don't remember why, the jealousy will cut into you more deeply than any blade could.
[He's not going to do any of those things, really...
...Well. Maybe not the locking him away in the dark, at least.]
[All of these threats and could-have-beens sound painful and cold and the only thing there that instinctively chills him to the bone is the threat of being left in the dark.
The other ones are the threat of a blade against his soft, vulnerable places, and after Jing Yuan has finished talking, Dan Feng is backed away into his seat as far as possible, pupils broadly dilated, breathing heavily.
He isn't quite sure if he's terrified or aroused or maybe both. Can it be both. Dan Feng smiles hungrily up at the sun threatening an eclipse and tilts his head to bare his throat.]
You really do know me, husband. [He pets around blindly for the puzzle, unwilling to look away.] Is this the sort of love we have? I want it...
[He also doesn't break eye contact, though he hears what Dan Feng's up to. His tail lashes with stress, and his ears are half-flattened, and if only he had the teeth to match...]
You are cruel, and I am manipulative. We could destroy eachother entirely if we wished. Despite that, we choose kindness and happiness. We struggle forward together, toward a future we could not reach alone-- that I cannot reach without you. That is why... If you abandon me the way another Dan Feng did, I will break, and I know myself well enough to know I will not be able to sit quietly with that pain a second time.
You would be so beautiful if you shattered. I could put you back together and break you again and it would be such a good time and you can do it to me and we would do it until the heat death of the universe.
[He says all of that in one breath. He could destroy the last puzzle piece, and he could relearn all of his husband's secrets. They would be tidally locked until they fell into one another. Dan Feng knew this destruction like the back of his hand.
But there is something that had been fundamentally changed from his poisoned foundations, beyond his lost memories: his subconscious now knew what it was like to be loved without cutting himself on the jagged edges of it. He had experienced all the comforts of home, in one man, the one above him, who held Dan Feng's heart in his hand.]
But I want to stay. [He leans upwards so he can brush a kiss against the corner of Jing Yuan's angry mouth.] Help me stay with you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Re: 30 mins later
Again?[Typing bubble]
I believe so, if this has happened before. Come to me. I am at a library, if that sounds familiar.Re: 30 mins later
[His poor husband and his faulty memory and bad luck with status effects... He's not sure what it is this time, as it seems different from his previous regressions, but it's his job to ground Dan Feng in reality and he's taking it seriously.
He arrives as quickly as can be managed. When he walks into the library he immediately goes looking for Dan Feng with visible worry.]
Dan Feng...?
Re: 30 mins later
He does look up at the call of his name, but when their eyes meet, there is zero spark of recognition, like Jing Yuan really is just a stranger.]
Husband?
Re: 30 mins later
[It is WEIRD and UPSETTING to be looked at that way -- it's strange, but he instantly finds himself missing the intense gaze of obsession. Ah, what a lovely problem. He's got no memory but all the childish behaviour.
Jing Yuan approaches, picks up a stack of intact books, and moves them to the next table over.]
Please stop shredding the library.
Re: 30 mins later
[Petulantly; moving the stack of books reveals a jigsaw puzzle that's all put together, save for one piece: it has a cartoon lion on it. It's a good likeness, mole and all, even if it seems to have been chewed from the amount of fang marks it bears.]
I've been told, but - I do not remember. I have reacquired memories from others, but there is still a great swathe of them missing. This is the last piece and- who are you really, to me? Why is so much of myself tied to you? [Frown.] This is not healthy.
Re: 30 mins later
He goes quite still though, at that last comment.]
...I am many things to you, I think. We hail from parallel worlds. In both, we were part of a close group of friends when I was still a boy. But the Dan Feng in my world is long dead, replaced by his successor. The Jing Yuan is yours is the object of your obsession, fueled by an Aeon's madness. You have spent centuries pursuing him, pulling him into a violent codependency...
[He glances at Dan Feng's face, and away again.]
But we are different. I cannot lie and call it "healthy", but we move forward together a little every day. I think it makes us both happier to be together, regardless of anyone else's standards.
Re: 30 mins later
Both of us, happy? I find that I have- that I am not a good person, piecing together what I know. I tried to kidnap multiple people who I realized I held dear, and some of them have told me that what I feel for you is magnitudes more. And so I thought, what would become of me, if I remember, how terrible and unsightly, how...
[He looks away. Then back up at Jing Yuan.]
What if I do not want to put it back together?
Re: 30 mins later
If you think you'd truly be happier that way, I will not force you to remember.
However...
[He smiles in a way that strongly suggests a threat. How the fuck dare you try to solve your problems by dumping me AGAIN???]
You may not remember, but you asked me to be your touchstone and ground you in reality. And reality is that you are a horrid creature, but you cannot atone for your sins by leaving your victims alone with their pain. How convenient it would be for you, to abandon the karmic punishment you have earned. If you choose to escape by forgetting, I will punish you for their sakes and for my own.
1/2
This conflict plays across Dan Feng's face so visibly it's great entertainment.]
Re: 30 mins later
Re: 30 mins later
Not the way you did, nor the way you want.
[He sets a hand on the table next to Dan Feng, and leans into his space to loom over him.]
I know you, Dan Feng. A violent pursuit would only bring you pleasure, and my affection must be earned. If I am to punish you, should I not do so in ways you cannot bear? I could leave you trapped alone in dark places. I could ignore every word from your mouth. I could love someone else right in front of you, knowing that even if you don't remember why, the jealousy will cut into you more deeply than any blade could.
[He's not going to do any of those things, really...
...Well. Maybe not the locking him away in the dark, at least.]
Re: 30 mins later
The other ones are the threat of a blade against his soft, vulnerable places, and after Jing Yuan has finished talking, Dan Feng is backed away into his seat as far as possible, pupils broadly dilated, breathing heavily.
He isn't quite sure if he's terrified or aroused or maybe both. Can it be both. Dan Feng smiles hungrily up at the sun threatening an eclipse and tilts his head to bare his throat.]
You really do know me, husband. [He pets around blindly for the puzzle, unwilling to look away.] Is this the sort of love we have? I want it...
Re: 30 mins later
[He also doesn't break eye contact, though he hears what Dan Feng's up to. His tail lashes with stress, and his ears are half-flattened, and if only he had the teeth to match...]
You are cruel, and I am manipulative. We could destroy eachother entirely if we wished. Despite that, we choose kindness and happiness. We struggle forward together, toward a future we could not reach alone-- that I cannot reach without you. That is why... If you abandon me the way another Dan Feng did, I will break, and I know myself well enough to know I will not be able to sit quietly with that pain a second time.
Re: 30 mins later
[He says all of that in one breath. He could destroy the last puzzle piece, and he could relearn all of his husband's secrets. They would be tidally locked until they fell into one another. Dan Feng knew this destruction like the back of his hand.
But there is something that had been fundamentally changed from his poisoned foundations, beyond his lost memories: his subconscious now knew what it was like to be loved without cutting himself on the jagged edges of it. He had experienced all the comforts of home, in one man, the one above him, who held Dan Feng's heart in his hand.]
But I want to stay. [He leans upwards so he can brush a kiss against the corner of Jing Yuan's angry mouth.] Help me stay with you.